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Laughcrydiedie


Hey my Instagram is jrodneystrong. It’s kind of funny.

— 3 days ago

6-8 months I’m sentencing myself to this. I don’t know why but I feel like it’s necessary. I might be miserable in the upcoming months but I’ll have mastered something that I was really shitty at to start.

Things I like about it: working with kids one on one when they run out of program. Watching their progress. Learning about their lives. The busy ness of it all and the whirlwind of days I have. Earning their respect and trust and building relationships. Learning a lot a lot constantly. Feeling less worthless.

Things I don’t like: when I feel like I can’t think quick enough on my feet and chaos and danger is unraveling. When I feel like they hate me and won’t listen to a word I say. When I fuck up and feel completely ineffective. The crash from all the adrenaline of the day. Not feeling capable of restraining kids when I need to. Not knowing what to do when coworker is in a restraint and the whole class is watching the fight go down and whether to get everybody out of there or stay to support coworker. When my words get all jumbled and I sound like an idiot.

I think some of the above things I could get better at. Maybe that’s why I’m sentencing myself to this.

— 3 days ago

Feelin like the loneliest grown up. This next week has the potential to be hell. I’ll be the only group leader ( there is suppose to be four) and the kids still don’t respect me. What am I doing?!

— 3 days ago with 1 note

Now I need to get better at breaking up fights and restraining kids. Today a kid got punched in the eye and maybe if I had reacted quicker he wouldn’t?

What am I doing help I’m not good at this

— 6 days ago

Fuck yo daddy fuck yo momma fuck yo whooole generation- to all those shitheads that have been shitty to me.
Learnin from the children erryday

— 1 week ago

"That’s the difference between me then and now. I use to be afraid of the dark then. But then… But then one night I got sick and tired of being afraid so I flicked the dark off and said "fuck yo daddy, fuck yo momma, fuck yo whole generation.""

this kid, he has the best monologues that just come out of nowhere.

— 1 week ago with 1 note

This one kid at my job thinks that mcdonald chicken nuggets are made from white babies (100% white meat).

One time my coworker was speaking in a silly british accent to him and he was like, “Ms. E speak that Chiiinese to me again.  You know that chin chong chi?  That spanglinese?”

When they’re pissed they call you “bruh”

Out of the two people who were running this crazy ship, one is leaving.  So it’s just me and the other guy and I am out of my mind anxious and scared.

Thursday was a nightmare.  2/3rds of the 17 kids ran out of the building, I just couldn’t control the chaos.  I ended up in the classroom alone with chicken nuggets boy, and was trying to play hangman with him.  he was the one writing the words, and he can’t spell for shit.  i lost.

I had a nightmare last night that I was drinking or something and I was about to get caught and then I had to wear an ankle bracelet that kept beeping when the cops came near and I was trying to hide it but couldn’t and then got fired and i was really really depressed.

i just wish I had like 1/10th of their energy.

If I am able to do this for a year and get better at it I’m going to feel like such a super hero.  I may also have a nervous breakdown, lose my shit and try to jump off a building.

endurance test.  klonopin caffeine and a sense of humor.  can’t be scared of disaster and chaos because i’m constantly living it.

— 2 weeks ago

My mom had already married and divorced a crazy alcoholic by the time she was my age

— 3 weeks ago

And everyone is getting married what the hell stop it

— 3 weeks ago