6-8 months I’m sentencing myself to this. I don’t know why but I feel like it’s necessary. I might be miserable in the upcoming months but I’ll have mastered something that I was really shitty at to start.
Things I like about it: working with kids one on one when they run out of program. Watching their progress. Learning about their lives. The busy ness of it all and the whirlwind of days I have. Earning their respect and trust and building relationships. Learning a lot a lot constantly. Feeling less worthless.
Things I don’t like: when I feel like I can’t think quick enough on my feet and chaos and danger is unraveling. When I feel like they hate me and won’t listen to a word I say. When I fuck up and feel completely ineffective. The crash from all the adrenaline of the day. Not feeling capable of restraining kids when I need to. Not knowing what to do when coworker is in a restraint and the whole class is watching the fight go down and whether to get everybody out of there or stay to support coworker. When my words get all jumbled and I sound like an idiot.
I think some of the above things I could get better at. Maybe that’s why I’m sentencing myself to this.