At first i hated him, then I missed him, then I started to feel sorry for him realizing how low he was, and now I just want him to feel as awful as possible.

I would like to erase him from my brain. Every time I catch myself thinking about him I try to think about cat shit and vomiting. Gotta start playing mind games on myself.

But for real what an assshole.

— 1 day ago

Really glad I choose to wait til the last minute to pack up my apartment to move. Setting myself up for failure and nervous break downs is a skill of mine.

Glad that the sign I’m improving at work is that I’m getting better at restraining children and breaking up fights? Some days the insults really get to me, make me feel like shit. This kid asked me if I like my job and I said yes and he said do you reaaaally like it because sometimes you look sad when people are saying stuff to you. Shit, I’m that transparent?!

— 5 days ago with 1 note

Singular single sucked in solitary slum.
Looking for electric shocks and renewed library books. Needs assistance with motivational systems, bowels, and energy levels. Will pay you with self-effacement and sacrifice, and something to compare yourself to in order to raise self-esteem.

Come over. I will pet you and then get really uncomfortable and want you to leave.

— 1 week ago

Hey my Instagram is jrodneystrong. It’s kind of funny.

— 2 weeks ago

6-8 months I’m sentencing myself to this. I don’t know why but I feel like it’s necessary. I might be miserable in the upcoming months but I’ll have mastered something that I was really shitty at to start.

Things I like about it: working with kids one on one when they run out of program. Watching their progress. Learning about their lives. The busy ness of it all and the whirlwind of days I have. Earning their respect and trust and building relationships. Learning a lot a lot constantly. Feeling less worthless.

Things I don’t like: when I feel like I can’t think quick enough on my feet and chaos and danger is unraveling. When I feel like they hate me and won’t listen to a word I say. When I fuck up and feel completely ineffective. The crash from all the adrenaline of the day. Not feeling capable of restraining kids when I need to. Not knowing what to do when coworker is in a restraint and the whole class is watching the fight go down and whether to get everybody out of there or stay to support coworker. When my words get all jumbled and I sound like an idiot.

I think some of the above things I could get better at. Maybe that’s why I’m sentencing myself to this.

— 2 weeks ago

Feelin like the loneliest grown up. This next week has the potential to be hell. I’ll be the only group leader ( there is suppose to be four) and the kids still don’t respect me. What am I doing?!

— 2 weeks ago with 1 note

Now I need to get better at breaking up fights and restraining kids. Today a kid got punched in the eye and maybe if I had reacted quicker he wouldn’t?

What am I doing help I’m not good at this

— 2 weeks ago

Fuck yo daddy fuck yo momma fuck yo whooole generation- to all those shitheads that have been shitty to me.
Learnin from the children erryday

— 3 weeks ago

"That’s the difference between me then and now. I use to be afraid of the dark then. But then… But then one night I got sick and tired of being afraid so I flicked the dark off and said "fuck yo daddy, fuck yo momma, fuck yo whole generation.""

this kid, he has the best monologues that just come out of nowhere.

— 3 weeks ago with 1 note