I’m in another chapter of weird world and it got really small and insular over winter but I managed to make friends. I’m happy about that.
I have Leonard and he is amazing even though we had a butt situation yesterday and I had to clip little poo noogets out of his fur but my neighbor told me a story about her big boxer Max getting a tick up his asshole and the next 45 minute dig that occurred so it put Lenny’s butt situation in perspective.
I would like to cut down on antidepressants and see if that changes me but it’s scary and I don’t want to fall through any holes in the floor but I also don’t want to be sad/numb/tired so often. I started taking antidepressants when I was 12 (thanks a lot parents?) and feel like I can’t remember a lot of things back then bc of them. But on the other hand my brain chemicals can turned into a cyclone disaster I’ll see you at the bottom of the ditch kind of mess so easily.
I want to be around a lot of people but not have to talk or perform. I just want to be in a room of people and lie on the floor.
I have no potential boys in my life and I’m okay with that but maybe a little too okay with it. There’s a boy I made friends with on the basis that we had to stay friends because I’m sick of losing cool friends to bad relationships. He is tall and has really nice arms and I hope I can someday find a boy like him for other relationships.
I’m still pretty tied down by health issues and that is a bummer and I’m pretty sick of Enemas but that’s the only way I can work full time so gotta do it.
I still really want people to like me a lot. Like a lot of people. That’s probably normal.